Q & A with "I"

It’s a dark alley with nothing in sight, with no purpose, and wondering, WHO am I? Why in the first place I am here? What made me walk all the way here? What lies at the end?? Some of the questions have always asked myself in my mood swings, and when I am deep in contemplating on what I have done.

A surprising change happened in my life a few months ago when I moved to a new country for my masters, in a field, i had once referred to as charity work and not fit for me who wants money and lot of it in life :) Since I have been here these questions have been bugging me like anything have actually lost sleep on it .. those who know me well, would know that sleep is my specialty :P So pretty unexpected long talk in the middle of a night with someone I never thought would talk this out, Hell never thought I would actually talk about it with someone, it’s me and its mine and my issues and thoughts, but that one serious talk that sometimes clears your mind and everyone needs in life at least once finally happened.

So I have actually realized that I all the way know some answers, just had to put them in perspective... for the rest need help from everyone.... will start off with the question 2 and 3 together, as cant seem to separate them
2)Why are we here in this world, the conventional or the Darwin philosophy which I always have believed in is that its part of the evolution process, It all started off with a big bang and millions of years from then we r here, as humans the best race in this universe, But then I think why humans, and well if evolution has to go on then what is the next form we will take, will we have an Armageddon and everything end... But Na that doesn’t make sense. With the destruction of the world, will the evolution process end? If yes then why in the hell did it start in the first place and evolve to such levels of superior intellectual beings as humans today, fail to answer this question and totally no idea at all.. Can anyone shed some light in it??? Second perspective the Islamic one, well an almighty one made all this universe, and us humans to worship him, OK that does make sense, but then again, if he is the Almighty one then why does he need a race to worship him, and if he just needed and wanted us to worship him, then why give us free will which we think we have, which I doubt on. Now the only peace and answer I could find when I searched for the answers was the one basic one, which all of us Muslims have been taught from childhood, Divinity of God, and that there is one superior power which made all this. Well that belief does answer my main concern for the Darwin theory that even for the Big Bang to happen there must have been an initiation or something behind it. Well I believe that there is a superior force. But why are we here again, is it like a game he is playing???? Well honestly no one can answer the question, the Islamic scholars I read and talked to, hushed me up one oo u can’t ask this question, the conventional atheists told me that na there is no God, but well so I ask them then why evolution and what is the next stage in evolution. The only peace you can prolly find when in search of this question is by having faith in your religion. I am not saying in Islam or Christianity, whatever you believe in as a religion go by it that is the only explanation that can satisfy you and shut you up with the unbound inquisition a man holds. So actually I came to peace with that question with the Islamic belief and have decided to shut up and have faith in it ..

Now with the nonsense I have been rambling on I come to question 4 which was "what lies at the"? Well what happens when one dies, have thought about it a lot, different views come from different schools and religion, some say we become food for the other creatures and that how the circle of life goes one. Well kind of makes sense, then some say that death is the ending, it’s just like a machinery goes bust u can’t help it, same is with humans, their machinery (organs) go bust but then what c’mon yar for machineries we kind of can reuse the parts, or not anything sell it in scrap and melt it or sum thin, what with the humans, well here the concept of circle of life explains it .... HMMMM right now the concept of circle of life does make sense, but Wait I can’t help it am a Muslim so need to discuss that perspective, here again the concept which some say as a fantasy concept, that of jannat and jahanum (heaven and hell ) comes in, well if that is the case we have a reason we are in a state of test we are taking in exam here.. Well but why should we pass this exam or even bother in doing well in it ??? If this is the body I love then why o why should I be bothered when I would be reincarnated to be handed over my result for this life... it will be a different AUN, my body would have become dust by then. Well as far as my knowledge goes about the religion, which is not that much it’s the divine path that the almighty has decided. Well religion is one topic and especially Islam, where I do not argue with not at least this stage in my life, mainly because I dun have that deep knowledge onto it and plus what it says, does make sense.. The philosophy of Islam gives you a purpose in life, it gives you a reason to do everything and anything, and I guess that is what and why we should follow a particular code of conduct in life (religion) to have sense of direction and a purpose. So I accept what Islam says about the end, and then it all makes sense to me for what I was created and why I am still here and what will happen to me...

I know I am not convincing, or anything to anyone with my ideas, but that was never the purpose, the purpose was to write what is in my mind, and what started me thinking and bringing me to peace.. For all of us we have different mindsets and thought process, what might convince and make sense to me would not to others even my siblings.. So ya I have now some answers to my questions and at least I can sleep now :)